The 2004 Ghoul Pool FINAL Standings:

E-Brake won the pool with 7 big Hits (Reagan, Leigh, Frame, Davis, Paar, Adams, and Barrymore).

The Winner of the Minor Leagues: RAVEN with 3 Hits (Arafat, Johnson and Rosenthal).

KEY:

The Major Leaguers:

W = The Wishman

E = E-Brake

WARD = Mr. 50s

MEGA = Mega-Hurts

The Minor Leaguers:

LUX = The Luxury Woman

SUB = Sub-All

RAVE = Raven

STIFF = Rigor Mortis Mairi

WIG = Jayne Mansfield’s Head

DARK = Master Dark

TEMP = Rhume Temperachure

ZAPP = RapidZappa

GENT = Gentleman Prick

BLOTTO = DrunkAsASkunk

WAM = Wasting Away in
Morguearitaville

SLAB = Slabmaster G.

YERS = Yersinia

MAFIA = Mafia Actuary

SICLE = Corpsicle

MORTY = Mortician's De-Lite

CRAB = Crazy Bastard

NICK = Necro Nick

BURP = Cannibal Feast

SKIP = Mighty Skippy

GUN = Gunslinger

TLAZ = Tlazolteol

HANES = Your Mom’s Underwear

GSG = Go See God

GRODY = 80s Renegade

CHOC = Chocolate Monkey

VIVE = Bastille Guy

ADVIL = I Have A Headache

BOOGIE = Disco DoGG

KMS = Killing Me Softly

PALL = Vincent Pall

EDIT = Editer42

ABRA = Abra Cadaver

HORNY = Bluerhino

BALMY = Embalmer

BUZZ = The Buzzard

MIA = Morbid Inc. Auctions

SUB-HUB = Mr. Baseball

IMB = I.M. Balm

DFA = Death From Above

CUTIE = Agent Cutie

LETHAL = Lethal Ianjection

YKEWCE = YouKillEmWeChillEm

EMT = EMTReaper

ERAD = The Eradicator

EVIS = Eviscera

TIARA = Princess Die

RICKY = Rick90467

FISHY = Trout

A

Mahmoud Abbas - RICKY
Red Adair (08/07) - MORTY
Cecily Adams (03/03) - E
Mason Adams - KMS
Christina Aguilera - GRODY
Skandar Akbar - IMB
Emperor Akihito - TEMP
Captain Lou Albano - SKIP
Eddie Albert - W
Izzat Ibrahim al-Duri - SLAB
Muhammed Ali - YERS
Sandy Allen - LETHAL
Kirstie Alley - ADVIL
Ed Ames - SUB
Louie Anderson - MIA
Pamela Anderson - EMT
Sparky Anderson - CHOC
Le Duc Anh - MEGA
Franz Antel - ZAPP
Yasser Arafat - RAVE (11/10)
James Arness - WARD
Bea Arthur - HANES
Leon Askin - E
Brooke Astor - W
Red Auerbach - MORTY
Elden Aucker - SUB-HUB
“Stone Cold” Steve Austin - GRODY
Richard Avedon (10/01) - BOOGIE

B

Lauren Bacall - YKEWCE
Jim Bacon - LETHAL (06/20)
Conrad Bain - ABRA
Joseph Barbera - TLAZ
Bridget Bardot - TIARA
Bob Barker - ABRA
Chuck Barris - WARD
Drew Barrymore - GRODY
John Drew Barrymore - E (11/29)
Sammy Baugh - DARK
Frances Bay - MEGA
Captain Beefheart - E
Saul Bellow - VIVE
Ahmed Ben Bella - DARK
Patty Berg - CHOC
Ingmar Bergman - TLAZ
Yogi Berra - ADVIL
Chuck Berry - NICK
Hans Bethe - TLAZ
Turhan Bey - SLAB
Jello Biafra - CRAB
Ronnie Biggs - MEGA
Barbara Billingsley - HORNY
Joey Bishop - W
Jack Black - SKIP
Shirley Temple Black - GUN
David Blaine - ABRA
Tommy Bond - CUTIE
Bono - HORNY
Ernest Borgnine - MORTY
Ray Bradbury - PALL
Ian Brady - BLOTTO
Jim Brady - LUX
Sarah Brady - WARD
Marlon Brando (07/01) - TEMP
Peter Breck - SUB-HUB
J. Paul Bremer - GUN
Wilford Brimley - GENT
David Brown (producer) - KMS
Frank Broyles - RICKY
Dave Brubeck - VIVE
David Brudnoy - LETHAL
Art Buchwald - WARD
William F. Buckley Jr - GUN
George H. W. Bush (ex-prez) - LUX
George W. Bush (prez) - DFA
Red Buttons - CUTIE
Earl Butz - GSG
Robert Byrd - LUX

C

Sid Caeser - WARD
Drew Carey - TIARA
Ernestine Gilbreth Carey - BOOGIE
Kitty Carlisle - SUB
Judy Carne - BUZZ
David Carridine - TIARA
Johnny Carson - TEMP
Carlene Carter - E
Jimmy Carter - STIFF
Henri Cartier-Bresson (08/02) - YERS
Oleg Cassini - GSG
Fidel Castro - TEMP
Darlene Cates - LETHAL
Ahmad Chalabi - ERAD
Marilyn Chambers - EVIS
Carol Channing - E
Roy Chapman - LETHAL
Cyd Charisse - GRODY
Ray Charles (06/10) - WARD
Chubby Checker - PALL
Dick Cheney - WARD
Julia Child (08/13) - W
Jacques Chirac - RICKY
Sir Arthur C. Clarke - YERS
Beverly Cleary - W
Tony Cloninger (Sox pitching coach) - RAVE
Sean "P. Diddy" Combs - HORNY
Sean Connery - TIARA
Harry Connick Jr. - RICKY
Mike Connors - VIVE
Robert Conrad - MEGA
Alistair Cooke (03/30) - W
Jackie Cooper - BUZZ
Prof. Irwin Corey - SLAB
Roger Corman - SICLE
Juan Corona - VIVE
Bob Cousy - HANES
Archibald Cox - HANES
Francis Crick (07/28) - EDIT
Walter Cronkite - LUX
Macauley Culkin - WIG
Constance Cummings - DARK
Tony Curtis - SICLE

D

Blag Dahlia - CRAB
Rodney Dangerfield (10/05) - WARD
Glenn Danzig - CRAB
Ossie Davis - WAM
Skeeter Davis (09/18) - E
Richard Dawson - FISHY
Doris Day - WARD
Melvina Dean - WARD
Yvonne deCarlo - WAM
Calvert Deforest, Jr. - ABRA
Olivia deHavilland - W
Len Deighton - EVIS
Dino deLaurentiis - WAM
Dom Deluise - GENT
Millie Del Rubio - VIVE
Brian Dennehy - SICLE
Robert DeNiro - MAFIA
Bob Denver - HORNY
Angie Dickenson - BUZZ
Bo Diddley - WARD
Phyllis Diller - WARD
Dom DiMaggio - VIVE
James Doohan - YERS
Kirk Douglas - WARD
Robert Downey, Jr. - YERS
Hugh Downs - KMS
Faye Dunaway - TIARA

E

Bulent Ecevit - MEGA
Barbara Eden - EVIS
Blake Edwards - DARK
Ralph Edwards - E
Will Eisner - TLAZ
Eminem - W
Joe Esterhas - WARD
Bob Eubanks - MIA

F

King Fahd - MEGA
Jimmy Fallon - GRODY
Jerry Falwell - WIG
Louise Farrakhan - HANES
Bob Feller - NICK
Freddy Fender - ERAD
Geraldine Ferraro - WARD
Ibrahim Ferrer - VIVE
John Fiedler - SUB-HUB
Flea - CRAB
Larry Flynt - GRODY
Joan Fontaine - MORTY
Betty Ford - LUX
Gerald Ford - WARD
Glenn Ford - BURP
Harrison Ford - HORNY
John Forsythe - DARK
Janet Frame (01/28) - E
Aretha Franklin - GUN
Marie Fredriksson - MEGA
Milton Friedman - BOOGIE
Dolores Fuller - KMS
Annette Funicello - MEGA

G

Zsa Zsa Gabor - MEGA
George Gaines - YKEWCE
John Kenneth Galbraith - W
Ernest Gallo - DARK
Joe Garagiola - CHOC
James Garner - TIARA
Betty Garrett - STIFF
Ned Garver - SUB-HUB
Estelle Getty - E
Alice Ghostley - E
William Gibson (playwright) - MEGA
Art Gilmore - CUTIE
Tom Gola - MEGA
Al Goldstein - GRODY
Dody Goodman - BALMY
John Goodman - ADVIL
Mikhail Gorbachev - TLAZ
Al Gore - EMT
Michael Gough - KMS
Curt Gowdy - BUZZ
Rev. Billy Graham - W
Ruth Bell Graham - MEGA
“Superstar” Billy Graham - GENT
Gunter Grass - EDIT
Dabbs Greer - STIFF
Dick Gregory - WARD
Alan Greenspan - HORNY
Andy Griffith - TEMP
Bob Guccione - E
Robert Guillaume - BALMY

H

Otto Habsberg - ZAPP
Merle Haggard - FISHY
Larry Hagman - E
Alexander Haig - LUX
Gibby Haines - CRAB
Scott "Razor Ramon" Hall - MIA
Sean Hannity - HORNY
Ray Harryhausen - BURP
Paul Harvey - GSG
Ernie Harwell - CHOC
Vaclav Havel - MORTY
Steven Hawking - MAFIA
Ronnie Hawkins - MAFIA
Sir Edward Heath - MAFIA
Bobby “The Brain” Heenan - W
Johannes Heesters - ZAPP
Hugh Hefner - PALL
Jesse Helms - W
Biff Henderson - IMB
Lou Henson (NMSU coach) - MEGA
Whitey Herzog - GUN
Charlton Heston - STIFF
Alex Higgins - BLOTTO
Hildegarde - SUB
Sir Edmund Hillary - YERS
Nicky Hilton - GRODY
Paris Hilton - SICLE
Gordon Hinckley - MORTY
Elroy “Crazy Legs” Hirsch (01/28) - CHOC
Albert Hofmann - BOOGIE
Hulk Hogan - RICKY
Fritz Hollings - SICLE
Dolores Hope - E
Roy Horn - TIARA
Lena Horne - GSG
Whitney Houston - DFA
Gordie Howe - TEMP
Saddam Hussein - NICK

I

Don Imus - W
Dick Irvin - FISHY
Monte Irvin - BURP

J

Mary Jackson - EDIT
Michael Jackson (pedophile) - YERS
Mick Jagger - RICKY
T.D. Jakes - IMB
Rick James (08/06) - DFA
Ahmed Johnson - SKIP
Lady Bird Johnson - E
Magic Johnson - DFA
Philip E. Johnson - SLAB
Sam Johnson (SC Johnson chairman) (05/22) - RAVE
Van Johnson - GSG
George Jones - FISHY
Jennifer Jones - KMS
Robert Earl Jones - MAFIA
Eddie Joost - SUB-HUB
Al Jorgenson - CRAB
Harald Juhnke - ZAPP

K

Heidi Kabel - ZAPP
Hamid Karzai - GENT
Stacy Keach - TIARA
Bob Keeshan (01/23) - WARD
Bob Keeshan - WARD
George Kennan - MEGA
Kara Kennedy - E
Caroline Kennedy - SKIP
Sir Ludovic Kennedy - BLOTTO
Rosemary Kennedy - SKIP
Edward “Teddy” Kennedy - SICLE
Ethel Skakel Kennedy - SKIP
Deborah Kerr - BLOTTO
Barney Kessel (05/06) - W
Jack Kevorkian - ABRA
Lemmy Killmeister - CRAB
B.B. King - WARD
Henry Kissinger - LUX
Jack Klugman - WARD
Evel Knievel - RICKY
Robbie Knievel - RICKY
Don Knotts - GENT
Ed Koch - YKEWCE
Willem Kolff - TLAZ
Teddy Kollek - ZAPP
Franz Koenig (03/13) - ZAPP
Larry Kramer - WARD
Stanley Kunitz - MIA

L

Madeline L’Engle - BOOGIE
Patti Labelle - GUN
Osama bin Ladin - WARD
Frankie Laine - FISHY
Jack LaLanne - STIFF
Martin Landau - YKEWCE
David Lange (frmr NZ PM) - MEGA
Charles Lane - SUB
Mills Lane - GUN
Tommy Lasorda - ADVIL
Estee Lauder (04/24) - W
Tom Laughlin - W
Pat Lawford - E
Christopher Lee - DARK
Stan Lee - ADVIL
Janet Leigh (10/03) - E
Aaron Lewis - DFA
Granpa Al Lewis - E
Jerry Lee Lewis - WARD
Claude Levi-Strauss - SLAB
Jerry Lewis - W
Gordon Lightfoot - MEGA
Rush Limbaugh - TIARA
Art Linkletter - WIG
Al Lopez - SUB
Marjorie Lord - EVIS
Sophia Loren - TIARA
Courtney Love - SICLE
Lex Lugar - SKIP
Lamar Lundy - MEGA
Vera Lynn - FISHY

M

Bill Macy (“Maude” actor) - HANES
John Madden - ABRA
Norman Mailer - HANES
Rick Majerus - MIA
Karl Malden - E
William Manchester (06/01) - MEGA
Nelson Mandela - W
Marcel Marceau - BURP
Charles "Chuckles" Manson - EMT
Diego Maradona - LETHAL
Rose Marie - SLAB
Jim Marshall (football) - MEGA
Dick Martin - BUZZ
George Martin - FISHY
Ulrich Matschoss - YKEWCE
Mark Matthews - LETHAL
Ernest Mayr - TLAZ
Mercedes McCambridge (03/02) - KMS
Eugene McCarthy - W
Kevin McCarthy - GSG
Pat McCormick - E
Darren McGavin - E
George McGovern - BURP
Shane McGowan - FISHY
Dr. Phil McGraw - HORNY
Tug McGraw (01/05) - MEGA
Rue McClanahan - CUTIE
Ed McMahon - DARK
Robert McNamara - LUX
Marian McPartland - CUTIE
Lee McPhail - CHOC
Vaughn Meader (10/29) - WARD
Allan Melvin - SUB-HUB
Robert Merrill (10/23) - EVIS
Dale Messick - SLAB
Tammy Faye Messner - IMB
Inge Meysel (07/10) - ZAPP
George Mikan - NICK
Ann Miller (01/22) - GRODY
Arthur Miller - HANES
Mitch Miller - W
Sir John Mills - BLOTTO
Sam Mills (footballer) - MEGA
Slobodan Milosevic - MEGA
Liza Minelli - MIA
Gian-Carlo Minotti - GSG
Art Modell - RAVE
Walter Mondale - CUTIE
Robert Mondavi - GSG
Ricardo Montalban - YERS
Fabulous Moolah - IMB
Mary Tyler Moore - ERAD
Michael Moore - GRODY
Scotty Moore - NICK
Harry Morgan - E
Keith Morris - CRAB
Hosni Mubarak - NICK
Lola Muethel - YKEWCE
Bobby Murcer - EVIS
Pervez Musharraf - MEGA
Stan Musial - NICK

N

Noel Neill - IMB
Nelly (rapper) - MIA
Byron Nelson - NICK
Willie Nelson - SKIP
Bob Newhart - RICKY
Paul Newman - BUZZ
Randy Newman - DFA
Fayard Nichols - EDIT
Terry Nichols - ERAD
Leonard Nimoy - PALL
James Noble - SUB-HUB

O

Steve-O (jackass) - ADVIL
Johnny Oates (12/24) - W
Angus Ogilvy (12/26) - BLOTTO
Mary-Kate Olsen - EMT
Ryan O’Neal - VIVE
Buck O’Neil - CHOC
Jack Osbourne - HORNY
Ozzy Osbourne - PALL
Sharon Osbourne - EDIT
Jim Otto - NICK

P

Jack Paar (01/27) - E
Anita Page - HANES
Jack Palance - DARK
Norman Painting - BLOTTO
Maurice Papon - E
Don Pardo - EDIT
Ace Parker - NICK
Rosa Parks - W
Ara Parseghian - CHOC
Joe Paterno - ERAD
Floyd Patterson - BURP
Les Paul - WIG
Luciano Pavarotti - E
I.M. Pei - WIG
Sean Penn - DFA
Shimon Peres - ABRA
Matthew Perry - HORNY
William "The Refrigerator" Perry - MIA
Augusto Pinochet - MEGA
Harold Pinter - MAFIA
Pope John Paul II - W
Sidney Poitier - TEMP
Carlo Ponti - WAM
Ron Popeil - EVIS
Maxine Postal (01/01) - MAFIA
Tom Poston - BUZZ
Colin Powell - MIA
Billy Preston - E
Prince Philip - YERS
Princess Alice of Gloucester (10/29) - BLOTTO
William Proxmire - RAVE
Richard Pryor - WARD

Q

Queen Elizabeth II - SKIP
Queen Juliana (03/20) - STIFF
Patricia Quinn - RAVE

R

Meinhardt Raabe - SLAB
Harley Race - IMB
Ted “Double Duty” Radcliffe - SUB
Charlotte Rae - HANES
Luise Rainer - EDIT
Prince Rainier - MEGA
Tony Randall (05/17) - STIFF
Joyce Randolph - GENT
Dan Rather - EMT
Thurl Ravenscroft - MORTY
Nancy Reagan - LUX
Ronald Reagan (06/05) - E
Christopher Reeve (10/10) - ADVIL
Charles Nelson Reilly - BURP
Carl Reiner - STIFF
Chief Justice Wm. Rehnquist - RICKY
Dusty Rhodes - BALMY
Anne Rice - RAVE
Little Richard - PALL
Ann Richards - ERAD
Keith Richards - WARD
Joan Rivers - DFA
Phil Rizzuto - W
Rev. Fred Robb - IMB
Doris Roberts - BUZZ
Jake “The Snake” Roberts - WARD
Oral Roberts - WIG
Eddie Robinson - WAM
David Rockefeller - CUTIE
Dennis Rodman - ERAD
Randy Romero - MEGA
Hugh Romney (Wavy Gravy) - EVIS
Mickey Rooney - ADVIL
Axl Rose - DFA
Jack Rosenthal (05/29) - RAVE
Johnny Rotten - CRAB
Jane Russell - YERS
Claude Ryan (02/09) - MAFIA
John Rhys-Davis - PALL

S

Soupy Sales - GENT
J.D. Salinger - STIFF
Juan Antonio Samaranch - TLAZ
Isabel Sanford (07/09) - WAM
Ron Santo - MEGA
Horatio Sanz - W
Wolfgang Sawallisch - YKEWCE
Wally Schirra - TLAZ
Max Schmeling - SUB
Helmut Schmidt - ZAPP
Red Schoendienst - CHOC
Daniel Schorr - ERAD
Sherwood Schwartz - W
Arnold Schwartzenegger - WIG
Earl Scruggs - GUN
Pete Seeger - EDIT
Andy Seminick (02/22) - SUB-HUB
Mohammed Zahir Shah - MORTY
Father Paul Shanley - RAVE
Mike Shannon - SKIP
Ariel Sharon - STIFF
William Shatner - PALL
Artie Shaw (12/30) - WARD
Sidney Sheldon - SLAB
Eunice Kennedy Shriver - W
Sargent Shriver - WIG
King Sihanouk - MEGA
Richard Simmons - SICLE
Neil Simon - KMS
Simone Simon - BOOGIE
Cardinal Jaime Sin - VIVE
Karl Slover - SLAB
Aleksander Solzhenitsyn - MORTY
Bret Somers - FISHY
Suzanne Somers - EMT
Britney Spears - EMT
Aaron Spelling - SICLE
Wendie Jo Sperber - MEGA
Mickey Spillane - BOOGIE
Jean Stapleton - WAM
George Steinbrenner - ERAD
Howard Stern - IMB
John Paul Stevens - ERAD
Larry Storch - BUZZ
Hank Stram - MAFIA
Daryl Strawberry - DFA
Gloria Stuart - WIG
Danny Sugerman - MAFIA
Suharto - BLOTTO
Gus Suhr (01/15) - BALMY
Pat Sullivan (footballer) - RAVE
Pat Summerall - FISHY
Yma Sumac - VIVE
Charles Sweeney (07/15) - GSG

T

Alaa Mahood al Tammimi (Baghdad Mayor) - CUTIE
Elizabeth Taylor - GENT
Koko Taylor - GUN
Lawrence Taylor - BALMY
Studs Terkel - WIG
Margaret Thatcher - BURP
Helen Thomas - YKEWCE
Hunter S. Thompson - E
Leon “Whitey” Thompson (author) - LUX
Frank Thornton - SUB-HUB
Jeremy Thorpe - BLOTTO
Brig. Gen. Paul Tibbets - DARK
Y.A. Tittle - WAM
Rip Torn - CUTIE
Cecil Travis - SUB-HUB
Vern Troyer - EMT
Donald Trump - CUTIE
Tina Turner - BALMY

U

Howard Unruh - EVIS
John Updike - PALL
Peter Ustinov (3/28) - TEMP
Jorn Utzon - HANES

V

James Van Allen - BOOGIE
Abigail Van Buren ("Dear Abby") - BUZZ
Jean Claude Van Damme - EMT
Luther Vandross - WARD
Gore Vidal - KMS
Abe Vigoda - TEMP
Lee Ving - CRAB

W

Porter Waggoner - BALMY
Helen Wagner - EVIS
Ralph Waite - SICLE
Garry Wahlberg - YKEWCE
Kurt Waldheim - WAM
Mort Walker - BALMY
Eli Wallach - MORTY
Mike Wallace - BURP
Barbara Walters - EMT
Joseph Wapner - ABRA
Ruth Warrick - GSG
Earl Weaver - BALMY
Scott Weiland - GENT
Caspar Weinberger - BOOGIE
Kitty Wells - GUN
George Wendt - ADVIL
Adam West - ADVIL
Dr. Ruth Westheimer - ABRA
Gen. William Westmoreland - W
Betty White - GENT
Phyllis Whitney (author) - MEGA
Richard Widmark - YKEWCE
Simon Wiesenthal - E
Gene Wilder - TEMP
Andy Williams - IMB
Esther Williams - BALMY
Montel Williams - MIA
Brian Wilson - PALL
Shelley Winters - W
Gusti Wolf - ZAPP
John Wooden - CHOC
Herman Wouk - BOOGIE
Fay Wray (08/08) - W
Jane Wyatt - EDIT
Jane Wyman - WAM

X

Y

Boris Yeltsin - WARD
Alan Young - EDIT
Mae Young - ABRA

Z

Mahmoud Zahar - LETHAL
Abu Musab al-Zarqawi - LETHAL
Ayman al-Zawahari - TLAZ
Efrem Zimbalist Jr. - BURP
Zhao Ziyang - LETHAL

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